The lamppost...

With the soft light and the snow falling, I became totally enamored by this lamppost the other night.

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On another note: I stumbled onto Leo Babauta's blog titled: Zen Habits. This guy's outlook on productivity and organization is phenomenal. He seems to have a knack for reducing things to the simple. One of my problems with organizational systems is that I very much dislike too much structure. Especially complicated structure. It seems like the struggle is to reduce complexity and still keep the details that are truly needed.

I immediately implemented some of his ideas into my work flow and my life. I have mixed feelings about his "Culture of free". But I like a lot of his stuff enough that I am linking to his web site. Enjoy.

Leave the light on...

You've heard it, you've said it.

Today is link to another persons blog day. I was reading Kim Peterson's blog, and I ran into an older post that had some photos from her coverage of the memorial ceremony for the tragedy at Virgina Tech. Sure it's old news, but I was deeply moved by the photos. Check out her blog post:

Sometimes you have to cry

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I am going to be setting up some links to various blogs and websites that I like and that are, or were, an inspiration to me. I will be introducing them as I add them, so stay tuned.

A new title...

A great deal of my thinking last week was occupied by the questions of what I wanted to change about this blog. At one point, I even thought about deleting the whole bloody thing. In the middle of my thoughts, I received an E-mail from an old friend which talked about life providing a few "...windows for reflection...". He further said that, "...I always have very strong reflections when I look at your photography and read your writings..."

I thought to myself, "Self, what more do you want to do then touch people through something inside of themselves?" More then anything else, I want people to connect to the person that is deep inside of them. Their true, and better self.

It reminds me of the story of Narcissus as it is told in the The Prologue of the book, The Alchemist, by Paulo Coelho. Narcissus falls into a lake and drowns while looking at his reflection and admiring his own beauty. Later, as the Goddesses of the Forest speaks to the lake, the lake replies:

"I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see, in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."

When I walked into the Trisha Romance gallery and saw her paintings, they touched some of the deepest parts of my own soul. That is what I want this blog and my photography to do for you, the reader. So this blogs new title is Windows for Reflection, and hopefully that is what I can turn it into.

Shadowland...

This was taken at the edge of the Mississippi River, in St. Cloud, Minnesota. There was a little park alongside of the river and I spent the late afternoon and evening there. Very nice place. Very peaceful, although a bit sad and dark for me at the time.

I read yesterday in a book where the author said, "The happy man is a hollow one." I don't think that is always the case, but in many cases, happiness seems to lead to complacency. The author argued that today we look at sadness as an entirely bad thing that needs to be medically treated. He further says that by not allowing sadness to have it's place, we rob ourselves of many great things, such as our finest art.

For me, some of my finest photographs were taken at times when I was troubled, desperate, or sad. Sometimes I was just reflective, or perhaps a bit melancholy, and other times, I was really disturbed. And on rare occasion, I was ecstatic. So embrace the feeling that life has brought to you. If it is sad, feel the sadness. Every drop of it.

We seem to need opposition in order to inspire us to be our better self.

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On another note, I'm thinking of revamping my blog. I'm not quite sure what changes I will be making.

Transformation...Year of 2008...

I sat down and tried to write an entry for the end of this year, and I can’t seem to get it out how I want it. In the end, there are just a couple of things that I want to say:

I am deeply grateful for the way that my life has gone. There are many times when I feel like a chess piece in a grander scheme that I can’t even see. It’s a strange and amazing feeling, and I am really grateful to family, friends, business associates, teachers, and ultimately, to my Father in Heaven. The things that have happened in the last few years are nothing short of amazing to me. Most especially, the way that photography came back into my life and became more a part of it has been equally amazing. My opportunities to travel, do business, and take photographs, are the fulfillment of old dreams that I have had for many years.

One highlight of the year for me, and one of the most enjoyable moments of all, was my trip to Athens, Georgia. While I was there, I attended the NCAA gymnastics championships, which were held at the University of Georgia. For three days, I had a blast. From watching the events, to wandering the campus in the rain, to visiting old cemeteries and sitting in small restaurants, the whole thing was really enjoyable. I posted very few pictures from those events, and so I have posted a couple photos of Stegman Coliseum with this entry.

Thank you for a wonderful, wonderful year, that was so full of surprises and opportunities. Here’s to 2009, and here’s to the hope that we will be able to take every moment to live, love, share, teach, and learn. I wish my readers the best of luck, and I thank you for stopping by my blog on occasion.

Teddy...

The ring bearer at the most recent wedding. Cute little guy. :)

Austin & Zavenda...

Saturday, I shot my sixth and final wedding for this year.

It had it’s interesting moments. Like when I was there setting up equipment and they decided to change the theme song right in the middle of the rehearsal walk through.

It's hard to believe that I have shot that many weddings this year. In some ways, I love shooting weddings, and in other ways, I don't like it at all. It will be interesting to see where I go in the future...

Merry Christmas!!!

Light on the Horizon....

Last night, I went out to get something to eat and I was stopped at the drive up window by a man that asked for money to get something to eat. As I talked with him, I asked if he was out of work. He replied that he was. I asked what he had been doing and he replied that he had been in construction.

I live in Salt Lake, and if you go downtown then you are bound to run into someone asking for money. But this was different for some reason. This guy seemed pretty normal. Perhaps a bit rough, but pretty normal. And we could talk about what "normal" is, but I think that you understand me.

As I drove away, I sort of shuddered inside. I have no real idea how the recent economic meltdown has really affected people, but I imagine that it has been bad, and that it might get worse.

I recall being in Mexico on the edge of the ocean, and being asked by little kids if I would buy some little trinket. They were dirty, unkempt, and looked as though they were in real need.

I recall standing in Turkey, among the ruins of a city, and I observed the Turkish women selling whatever wares they could to the tourists, while at the same time a very young boy asked me to buy some sticks of a fragrant smelling plant. I recall as we drove through the cities, and looked at people living on top of people in less-than-perfect living quarters, and the guide told us that in some places the people had their animals living with them.

I recall walking up the steps of an old church in Rome, and off to one side, was a lady that had her face veiled, and she bent over in a prayer position. Next to her sat a small jar for coins.

And then I recall standing in a round building at Wounded Knee, South Dakota. A native man asked me three times if I would buy a dream catcher that his wife had made, so that he could get some diapers for his baby.

Some of these people were selling, and some of the were begging, but they all were in less then perfect conditions. And yes, it makes me shudder. I have tried to study, to learn, to work hard, and to make myself better, and I pray to God that at some point, it doesn't all fail me. I hope that I am never reduced to the point of standing on a street corner and asking for food to stay alive, 'cause if I ever get there, then it means that something went horribly wrong, and I suspect that life might not be worth living any more. Not for me.

But I chose this picture for one reason, everything in the picture is varying shades of dark, except for one area, the horizon right over the mountain. There is a spot there that is probably pure white. So although there are tough times, and there are tragedies, there always remains the hope for a brighter future. Opportunities of some sort will always exist. Especially if we have prepared ourselves. I believe this, and it is what I want to manifest in my life.

Meet Anya...

...and some of her brothers and sisters. My niece's dog had puppies in September and I went and took these about a month ago. I was going to post some of them and I just never got around to it. This little dog had a magic about her. She really stood out from the pack, so to speak. I dare say that if I can capture the spirit of a person, I can do it with a dog also.

Into the night...

This was taken a couple of miles south of Wounded Knee, South Dakota. I have been studying the Wounded Knee Massacre for a couple of years now. I took this picture, stopped by Wounded Knee and then drove the rest of the night to get where I was going. That's why the strange title.

In the show Thunderheart, a young FBI agent gets assigned to investigate a murder on the Native American reservation. Although he is half Sioux himself, it is a fact that he is not proud of and does not readily acknowledge. Once on the reservation though, strange things start to happen and his roots start to haunt him. He starts seeing things, and having dreams. At one point he has a vision where he is running with the "Old Ones" at Wounded Knee. He begins to sense that there is something more powerful at work, and that he has something important to accomplish.

By the end of the story, he ends up awakening to the fact that his blood is something that he cannot escape from, and he ends up reaching for, and then embracing his vision. He is offered money and power, but he turns away from them and decides to embrace honor, honesty, and follow his vision. He looses his job as an FBI agent, but he leaves the reservation a much different person. He no longer suffers from the same insecurities. He no longer clings to the material things that he once did. He leaves with the feeling about him that he knows what he is, who he is, and that he is not afraid of it any longer.

I suppose that in telling this story, I am emphasizing the need and the power of personal vision. I will even go so far as to say that it is the only thing that can create lasting, positive change.

Alone...

Whenever I go to a funeral it always amazes me that in one minute, everything is perfect for one person, and yet in that same minute, life completely falls apart for another person. All their hopes and dreams gone. And yet each is oblivious to the pain, and/or joy of the other. Amazing.

"...sometimes to know what goes on beyond the end of a trail we have to go back..." (Stalking Wolf)

But sometimes, maybe we have gone back too much...

Let's Dance...

A cool shot from the wedding last Saturday.

I have a new obsession. It's social/ballroom & swing dancing, and I'm totally absorbed by it.

Big & Rachel...

I haven't posted anything in a while, because I've been crazy busy with several projects. The last two weekends I shot weddings.

The first one, was a disaster. Unfortunately, once again I allowed myself to be intimidated to the point that things just didn't go at all like they should have. But I'd rather not talk about it much.

This last one however, was probably the most enjoyable wedding that I have ever photographed. For the most part, it went pretty well. There were some things that I was not happy about, but we live and learn. "Big" as we call him, is my Nephew. He also used to work for me at the golf store, so we go a ways back. The photo above was one of my favorites from the event.

I bought four used Photogenic strobe lights the morning of the wedding. I got a great deal on them and they really saved the occasion. I shudder to think of how it might have turned out otherwise. But in any case, this is really cool, because I now have enough lights to completely set up a studio.

Ocean Energy...

About a month ago, I was in LA for a few days to manage a project down there. One afternoon, I drove to Oceanside and spent the afternoon in the crashing waves.

I absolutely adore the ocean. There is nothing quite like standing in water chest deep, and watching as a three or four foot wave approaches and then breaks over you, followed by the feeling as the tide rushes back past you and the sand erodes from under your feet. Words escape me to describe the elation and euphoria that I enjoyed for a couple of hours. As I went back to the car, I took this picture.

Fall Colors at Saint Johns Abbey...

This last weekend I drove something like 1600 miles, and spent three days on the road.

I took a truck that we sold back to Iowa, and then I flew back to Salt Lake. In three nights, I had no more then 4 1/2 hours of sleep per night, and I spent most of the time driving. I circled through Wyoming, across South Dakota, into Minnesota and then down to Iowa. On the way I stopped at Martins Cove WY, Edgemont SD, Wounded Knee SD, and St Cloud MN.

It is sort of comical that this was the same truck that I drove back from New York earlier this year, and I stopped at most of the same places. It is a different time of year though, and I was in a much different frame of mind for this trip then I was back then. It made for a very different experience, and even with the sleep deprivation, I had a wonderful time.

The most memorable was my stop in St Cloud. The hotels were all full, so I drove out of town a ways and stayed in the back seat of the truck in some field. I had a good sleep, and the next day then I drove right over to St Johns Abbey.

St Johns is a Monastery/University about ten miles outside of St Cloud. It sits on 2,480 acres of prairie and forests with lakes and wetlands scattered throughout. Trails abound, and it is a wonderfully peaceful place to retreat. Although I liked it when I was there in April, I absolutely fell in love with it this trip. The fall colors and leaves turn the place into something of a fairyland. Originally, I was going to try and stay at the Abbey Guesthouse for two nights, but it didn't work out. I ended up wishing that I had tried a bit harder to make it all happen. As it was, I was there for about three hours. I wandered around to the far side of the lake (Lake Sagatagan) and visited the small Stella Maris Chapel on the far side. It was cooler weather, but nice with a light jacket. The wind would blow along and stir the leaves up around me, and I watched as families wandered around the trails, the children kicking the leaves as they went, laughing and playing.

I sat on a log next to the lake and the tall grasses rose all around me. The gentle sound of the breeze rustled through them. Out on the lake a sailboat drifted along, the sun wandered in and out of the cloud cover, and I was consumed by a sense of calm euphoria. I wished that I could stay, but I had to leave before it got too late to drive to Lake City, Iowa.

My opinion of Minnesota is drastically changed though. I was there in April and I didn't really care for it. (It was cold and still pretty dead a the time.) This time, as I drove along freeways and looked at the vibrant colors, I decided that I loved it. So the time to go there is in the fall. It really is beautiful. And as far as a retreat goes, St Johns is really nice if your looking for something woodsy, but a bit more civilized. (Beds, showers, etc. They even have meals if you want them.)

Nameless...

I just couldn't think of a good title for this on a short moment...

I was on a photo shoot yesterday that was super important to me. Possibly one of the most important so far. It turned out okay. I am reminded of how much I need to learn and how much I know and yet need to do better at putting into practice. Anyway, on the way back down the canyon I stopped and took this. I had my niece with me as an assistant and I let her take some photos with my camera also. She doesn't know much about photography, and I sort of taught her as we went along. I really enjoy teaching. Especially on an individual basis.

The D3...

I'd like to introduce you to my Nikon D3. This thing is great. It fits my hand like a glove. Albeit a heavy glove, a glove none the less. In fact, that is my only possible problem with it, is the weight. The lens on it here is the smallest lens I own for it. My 70-200 2.8 (which it seems like I use the most) is four times that big, so you can imagine that it is huge. It's really quite a comforting feeling to have it hanging at my side with the 70-200 on it. I'm sure it sounds wierd, but I can't explain it any better. It's not so much the camera as it is what the camera allows me to do.

I sold my motorcycle to buy this and I have never looked back. I think the money I spent on it is quite possibly the best money I ever spent, except for maybe my old Toyota truck, which I bought brand new and has 345,000 miles on it so far.

Seriously, most people probably would never care, but a while back I sent my D3 in for cleaning, and while it was gone then I had to use my older D200 for an engagement photo session. I really missed the D3 and I was so excited when I got it back that I could hardly contain myself. So I went out and took this picture.

On another note, I sold an older D200 body and a 12-24 lens, and between the two I was able to get the newer Nikon 24-70 2.8 midrange zoom that I have wanted for some time. It arrived today. I really wanted to get it for the upcoming weddings that I am photographing next month. With this purchase, I will be retiring my Nikon 24-85, and it will be up for sale. Although I used to be really happy with the 24-85, the last couple of months it has failed to meet my expectations. I believe that I have started to push it more and that is why. I am demanding a lot more then I used to, and I can see the difference in the image quality. I have great hopes for this 24-70. Just like all the Pro Nikons, it feels...different. Very solid, and the response is very nice. I will be trying it out in the next few days and see what I think.

It's snowing! ...a little...

We got our first real snow on the valley floor Saturday night. I went out and walked around it in it a bit at about 1:00 AM. We got somewhere around an inch at my house, but it didn't last long. It was mostly gone by Sunday afternoon.

These were taken at Presidents Circle at the University of Utah. I was down there walking around Sunday morning, the snow was still falling, and it was sort of magical. Everything was so peaceful and serene that I had to get my camera out. There has been something in the air the last few days, as though everything is in harmony with everything else. It's really been nice.

I suppose that everything natural is always in harmony, but it is just us that loses that harmony with everything else.

Up against the wall...

It's funny to me, I had some shoots that went really badly, so I sort of stopped shooting anything for a while. As it turns out, that was a mistake. I've been shooting again the last few days and I'm having a blast.

Back shooting...

Last weekend on my way back from a project in Park City, I took the long way home and I stopped and took some pictures. It's the first time in over a month since I really took any pictures, and I have to say that it really felt good. I thoroughly enjoyed the feeling of having a camera in my hand again.

It's really nice up there in the mountains right now. Really nice. I was actually looking for a good location for a couple shot that I have coming up, but I took this while I was going along. The time of day is not the best, and I might go back up and take it again in better light.

Trapped...!

Trapped by what you say?

Trapped by our habits, thoughts, fears, and anything else that keeps us from doing what we feel inside that we should do. Trapped by whatever keeps us from fighting the good fight.

This was shot in Rome, Italy, at the Roman Forum.

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An interesting story:

Friday afternoon I sat in on a promotion test at the Tae Kwon Do Dojang that I am a part of. I was not testing myself, but as a Black Belt, I was invited by the Master to sit in at the judging table during the test to learn about judging.

During a promotion test, the person testing will always have a board break as part of the test, and sometimes several boards depending on their level. I was holding the board to be broken by one of our younger students. He was supposed to break it with a front snap kick, using the ball of his foot. It is a very simple break really, and especially if you have already done it before. Back when I first did it, I was very apprehensive about it, and spent weeks doing toe stretches in preparation. (Who wants a broken toe?)

The student, bless his heart, kicked the board and didn't break it. I groaned inwardly, because he hadn't hit it near hard or fast enough. He tried again. And again. Try as he might, he didn't seem to be able to muster the power to break it. Not because he couldn't, but because he wouldn't. He began to kick it repeatedly, more timidly with each kick.

As you might imagine, all that does is hurt your foot. The Master got sort of impatient with him, and I wondered why he was being so hard on him. It was then that I had the clear impression that there was a greater lesson in the works here. The student had plenty of power to make the break, but he was too afraid of the board for some reason. There was one kick when he almost did it, and I could feel the difference, but after that he reverted back to his weak kick.

Later on that evening as I sat and reflected on the day, I realized that the lesson had been for me as much as it had been for the student. I suppose that was why I got asked to hold the board. Not because the Master was trying to teach me, but some greater teacher was at work that afternoon. How many boards am I scared of? Scared of them even though inwardly, I have plenty of power to break them, if I just would.

Fading...

One early morning in Italy, the group went out to photograph and I went with them. After we had been out there a couple of hours then we stopped at a little shop to have breakfast. I wandered away from everyone else down this side street and I took this picture.

While I was standing there with the camera on the tripod, then I called my sister Naomi. Or she called me. I cannot recall for sure but in any case, I hugged the phone with one shoulder while I talked to her and continued to make adjustments to the settings of the camera for this shot.

She was getting married close around that time and I had helped her with some of the arrangments for the invitations, the location for the wedding, the reception, etc. I had set a lot of it up and then I left for Italy, so I was touching base with her to make sure of some minor details.

I had been in Italy for about a week, and the style of the photographers I was there with was driving me mad. It was totally different then how I did things, and as nice as they were, hanging out with them every day was really starting to wear on me. That morning, I was extra frustrated. To top it off, I felt very homesick. When I talked to Naomi then it was early morning for me, and it was late night for her. She had that characteristic late night giggle of hers, and it was really great to talk with her. It was really what I needed at the time. Yet at the same time, I knew that things were changing soon, beause she was getting married. Something of my feelings that day made it into this shot.

The Colosseum...

Let's switch gears for a moment here. This is the Colosseum in Rome. I was there for four days and there was one photo that I was really after, and that was of the Colosseum. I guess it was because my dad always used to talk about how he visited it when he was a young man. Anyway, I spent a while getting this shot. As is normal, I found the spot the day before and came back the next evening and set up early and waited for the light.

The Colosseum was a lot different then I expected it to be. I just never realized that it was so surrounded by the city. A busy road drives almost all the way around it. I was in a taxi cab and as we were driving along, all of a sudden there it was. It just sort of jumped out at me.

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Other shots from Italy:

Fading...

Name Trama...

It's places like this that exist right in the middle of the city that fascinate me. I love them. This is a small, but peacful and serene little pond nestled in the little town of Greely, Colorado. It was so peaceful that I fell asleep sitting next to a tree for three or so hours.
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I am having some name trama. As it turns out, there is a lady in Texas already running a business under the name of Spirit Photography. I could use it anyway, because I am in Utah, but I want to be original. So I have gone back to the drawing board for a company name. It is proving rather difficult to come up with what I want.

I the meantime, I will simply be doing business as Alma G Naylor, Photographer. My web address will remain the same for the present.

In memory...

I wrote the following article a year or so ago in response to an email that I received that was so racist that it made me sick. I promptly sat down and wrote this piece, but then I never sent it out because it seemed too personal. It has never been published or sent out in any form, until today.

_______________________

I look out the window at the Wyoming countryside. It seems more of a desert wasteland to me. "What a place to be buried, I mumble to myself." Perhaps she had liked it though.

The words of the obituary are still running through my head:

"Emelia ..., age 20, ... died Monday ... as the result of an automobile accident. She was born in 1981 ... Survivors are her parents ... six sisters, including her twin ... and a brother ..."

I couldn't get it out of my mind then and I cannot get it out now. I sat there at my desk and read it again and again. I was stunned. Now months later, I am still plagued by it all. So here I am, driving my old truck across the God forsaken Wyoming countryside. I glance over at the passenger seat, but the only thing there is a single red rose in a bottle of water. I look at the rose, and I wonder about it all. Why am I here? What am I doing all of this for? And even more of a question to me, why did she have to die? Twenty years old...

I pull up to the small cemetery and I sit there for a minute. Then I get out and I start to wander around in search of the gravestone. I cover the first half of the cemetery with no luck. "Where is she," I wonder out loud. Then I cross over to the second half of the cemetery. I stop to look at a particularly fancy headstone, and then I glance upward and out into the open end of the cemetery. There, about fifty feet away and all by itself, stands one lone headstone. It has a hanging flower basket next to it and I can read the wording from where I stand. My heart skips a beat and I catch my breath. "Emelia ... " the headstone reads. Simple, and alone. Out and away from all of the other graves.

I hesitate. Suddenly, I am not sure that I can go over there to it, but after a moment, I slowly walk over there and sit down about five feet away. I read the headstone again and again.

"To thine own self be true"
"Emelia ..."
Forever-A-Twin

Twenty years old. I am stunned and I feel like someone has hit me in the stomach. From somewhere inside, all the frustration, all the questions, and the extreme sense of loss just tumble out. I start to weep bitterly, and I look up and ask the simple question, "Why?" "Why did she have to die?" But the only response today is silence. Even the wind is perfectly still.

***

...I stand on the warm sand. In the distance, the sun is setting. In the shadowy dusk, there is a variety of activity in the small village. The gentle breeze is a relief from the heat of the day. As I walk down the village path, I am drawn to a lady that is sitting outside a hut with a child in her arms. I approach them. The woman watches me, wary and cautious. I try to talk with her. She indicates that the child is very sick. I gently feel the child’s forehead and the woman does not stop me. I am shocked as my hand touches the small head. The little girl has a burning fever. The woman eyes seem to wonder if I can help and my heart aches to help them. Later that night, as I sit against the wall on the dirt floor and hold the child, I wonder about it all. She is a beautiful little girl. The mother comes over and looks at the child, gently changing the damp cloth on the child’s forehead. The cloth is old and worn, more of a rag than anything. It all seems so hopeless. There is hardly food here for the child if she should live. I wish to myself that I could see her eyes. I doze off to sleep holding her in my arms. In the early morning hours, I hold the child as her spirit leaves her body. The mother is overcome with fatigue and grief. As I carefully pass the small bundle to the mother, I realize: She is a child of God. She is in good hands now.

***

...I walk through the airport. I am here to pick someone up from a flight and it has been delayed. I stand and watch as the people come off of the planes. I smile as an older lady is engulfed in embraces by her grandchildren. I watch as a young mother rushes to meet her husband, with her baby in her arms. I watch as a soldier in uniform walks towards a group of family. He embraces his mother first, and there are tears in her eyes. I watch as young and old alike stand in anticipation, looking down the corridor. There are cries of "I see him" and "there she is." The joy, the anticipation, and the happiness are tangible...and as I stand there, I realize, these are all children of God....They have kindred, ties, and they love others.

***

...I walk around the ruins of Perge. It is evening, and the setting sun sends rays of golden light dancing off of the ancient city walls. In the street, where there was once a bustling city, there are a few women and children trying to sell blankets and trinkets to the tourists. As I stand there, a young boy comes up and holds forward some short twigs of some very fragrant plant. He is speaking Turkish and I cannot understand him, but I gather that it is some sort of herb or spice. I pay him a quarter for one of the twigs and he allows me to take some pictures. He then goes off to rejoin his family, selling blankets in a dead marketplace. As the last light fades, I leave the city ruins and I wonder to myself, what will his life be? Will he be influenced by radical Islam? I realize that there are hardly any Christians in his country. Will he grow up to hate Christians? I cannot tell what his life will be like. But, he is child of God....

***

...I knock quietly and walk into the room. The young lady is laying in the hospital bed. The room is quiet and it is furnished nice enough, and yet I wonder to myself if it feels more like a tomb to her. A place that she would rather be rid of. I talk with her for a moment and offer my condolences. She has just had an infant die after living for a few brief moments. I wonder to myself what I could possibly say that would mean anything? Later in the hall, I speak with her husband. He is fighting to maintain his composure and I can see that it is all taking a toll on him. I wish that there is something that I could say, something that I could do...but I can’t. As I leave the hospital, I take comfort in knowing that they are children of God, and that he will help them.

***

...The nurse shows me to the bedside of the elderly lady. The lady notices me and reaches for my hand. She firmly grasps it with both of hers. "Thank you for coming," she says. I glance around the nursing home room at the walls and furnishings. The dear lady is in her eighties at least. I inquire how she is doing. "It’s pretty rough" she replies, "But they are taking good care of me here". We talk of her family, and her sister. She is Catholic, and has a Crucifix there close by. After some time, I go to leave and she seems reluctant to let go of my hand. A couple of weeks later, I hear that she has passed away...I wonder about it all, and I hope the best for her. I am happy to realize that she is a child of God.

***

...I step out of the shower and grab the ringing phone. "Jeff died on Saturday, can you make the viewing and funeral at 10:00?" says the voice on the line. "Sure, I’ll be there..." I reply. I switch out for my suit and tie. As I drive to the funeral, I wonder what I could possibly say to Kim, Jeff’s wife. Jeff has been battling with cancer for several months now, and some time ago the doctors sent him home to die. As I walk in, I am greeted by members of the family, tears in their eyes. On the table is a collection of family pictures. Pictures of family, friends, brothers, sisters, his wife. And his kids. Three beautiful children. The oldest is a six year old boy. In an awkward moment, I get trapped in the viewing room as they close the doors for the family prayer. I try and shrink into the corner, feeling that I don’t belong there. I watch as the young lady moves to the casket with her kids, their tears freely flowing, trying to be strong and brave. My heart aches for them. I wonder about her...will she be okay? I wonder about the kids. How will they turn out? Will they all be okay? Later on, I kneel down and shake hands with the oldest boy. "I’m sorry about your dad." I say. It seems lame to say, but what else can be said? He looks at me and simply says "Okay". He is trying to be strong and brave. As I walk out of the building, I wonder what life will hold for them. I can only take comfort in knowing that they are all children of God, and that he will be there for them.

***

...The father steps forward and takes the small baby girl from her mother. "Please join me," he asks the brethren present. I am pleased to be able to participate with her father, grandfather, uncles and cousins in blessing her with a name. Later on, I ask the mother if I may hold her. As I sit there and look at her, she is sleeping peacefully. I ponder over the wonder of it all. The little body, the individual fingers, the little fingernails. Her little nose, eyes and mouth. She is beautiful, and almost seems like an angel. Her hair is long and dark. I wonder to myself, what will life hold for her? What trials will she face? How will she deal with the issues that life will throw her direction? Will she be okay? As I gently hand her back to her mother, I take comfort that she is a child of God. The fact that she is here is evidence that there is still hope.

***

...I sit across from a little girl and I look at her. She is a beautiful little girl, about three years old. She is truly radiant, radiant with a light that seems almost to come from within her, instead of around her. Her eyes are captivating, her hair blondish in color. She has a small smile, and gazes evenly back at me. I can tell that she is happy, and truthfully, I marvel at it a little.

"Why would you want to come here?" I ask her. "Look at everything. It’s a mess. The wickedness, the evil, the heartache. Why come here at all?"

"Because of the opportunity to love," she replies. "The opportunity to love in a way that is not possible where I am right now."

Yessssss....!!!

It was quite a week for our nation, for athletes all over the world, and for me. Let’s recap:

I watched last Sunday and as America took the Gold in the Mens 4x100m Freestyle Relay. It was an amazing and fitting end after the Frenchies had been talking smack. I couldn’t help but just laugh. Then I continued to watch as Michael Phelps won gold after gold, setting new records all along the way and breaking his own records.

Wednesday, I watched as the US won the Men’s 4x200m Freestyle Relay – something like five seconds ahead of the next team and a new world record. Sitting in a restaurant Thursday evening, I watched as Phelps won his sixth gold medal for these games. The entire restaurant was riveted to the screen and proceeded to cheer and clap on the completion of the race.

Friday night, I stood in a crowded mall area and watched the big screen as Phelps won the 100-meter fly, by .01 of a second. Once again, everyone around me was clapping.

And last night, I fired up my Blackberry to see if he had made his eighth gold medal in the Mens 4x100m Medley Relay. Sure enough, he had done it.

Quoted from an NBC article by Alan Abrahamson:

"…Michael Phelps set out before the Beijing Games with the most audacious goal in the history of the modern Olympics, to win eight gold medals at a single Games."

"…I'm almost speechless," Peter Ueberroth, the chairman of the U.S. Olympic Committee said Saturday after watching Phelps beat Cavic. "He's beginning to set a whole new standard for his sport and for America."

Way to go Michael Phelps!

And in another sport...

I sat in a restaurant and watched Nastia Liukin perform her beam routine during the US team prelims and I was stunned by the rhythmic and beautiful flow of it all. She is a testament to the fact that women’s gymnastics has always been, and hopefully always will be, an artistic sport and not just a technical one. She was a joy to watch with her graceful execution of routines in the all-around competition. I missed the end of the event and I was glad to hear later that she had won the Gold. Despite the ankle injuries last year and everything else, she made it, and it just rocked that she won.

Way to go Nastia Liukin!

I also enjoyed watching Shawn Johnson and I was really glad that she took Silver. And how about when the US Mens Gymnastics team took that Bronze when no one expected them to even medal?

It just makes me smile and laugh to think about it all. Yes sir, America rocks!

Of course, the Olympics are about people doing great things. They are about people doing better and better. They are about people doing the seemingly impossible.
_________

I summoned a little piece of my own history for myself this last week. I received a contract in the mail for the largest deal that I have ever closed. Over a quarter of a million dollars. Over one quarter of my gross sales last year, but in a single contract. Almost double any previous contract landed by me. I have worked on this deal for almost two years. It has moved between three general contractors, and somehow, our company stayed in the game.

Sure I’m a little nervous, because getting a contract doesn’t mean the job is done, but I am excited. And I’m grateful. I’ve had to take some time to sit and contemplate how I got here, and where I am going. I used to dream of closing a deal this big, and now here it is. I’m a deeply spiritual person, and I can’t help but be thankful to a higher source for this success. I just sit here in awe and I wonder what else might be in store for my life.

I told someone that I didn’t really start on this deal a year and a half ago. I started on it at least ten years ago, when I first started in sales as a 20-year-old. It was some of the hardest stuff I had ever done and definitely the most depressing. I have been privileged to have had some of the best teachers and mentors that a person could have asked for, and I want to say thank you to them. People like David Mathews & Ken Bolinder; and great writers like Og Mandino, Steven R Covey, Vash Young, Napolean Hill, and a host of others that I don’t have the space to write here.

Over the last couple of months, and especially the last couple of weeks, I’ve rediscovered the books, the materials, and the ideas that I have studied for years. And suddenly, I am seeing them with new eyes, and I am excited to see where it leads. I feel almost as though I have been in the doldrums and I am awakening. It is almost as though a new me is emerging. And yes, it feels very, very good.

I just smile at how it all happened this week, with the Olympics and all. At the 2002 Olympics, here in Salt Lake City, I had just gone bankrupt with my Golf Store. I had been forced to close it down because of insufficient funding and I owed thousands of dollars to various creditors. I was a smashed person and the night of the closing Olympic Ceremonies, I came home and sat in my room. I took an old book from the shelf that I had never read. It was a book from my Dad titled, A Fortune to Share, by Vash Young. I read it clear through that night and, it changed my life.

So here we are, at another Olympics. And yes, life is changing. And you know what? ...It's going to be okay.

The Deep Magic...

It's a good day today. The deep magic is very much alive and well! :)

But seriously, let's talk about number strings for a minute. Consider the string 72572. That has to be just about the coolest numerical string I have seen in a while. And while were talking about it, what do you think about the number 9? Nine has to be one of the coolest numbers around.

But before you think that I have flipped out, let's talk about this photo.

I took this in October of 2006. I went out for a Sunday afternoon drive and I ended up at the bottom of Wolf Creek pass. I went for a walk and took the camera. I took several shots as the sun was setting. It's really nice up there. I would love to live in that area, except for the commute.

In 2007, I submitted a black and white variant of this shot to the PPA International Print Competition. In this competition, a print either earns a merit or it does not. There is no limit on how many prints can earn a merit, regardless of the number of submissions. They did not merit ANY of my prints. Then in the review, they decided to pick them apart technically without ever even discussing the spiritual/emotional value. That was the day that I decided that I was done with PPA. I decided that I would have to care less what they thought about my work. I do wish that I had sent this one instead of the black and white one, maybe they would have liked it better.

I just decided that I wasn't going to modify my style just to please some commercial organization so that I could claim to be a PPA "master". My true style was more important.

"To thine own self be true." It's a motto I try and live by. Be true to your better self. Be true to your own style.

Meet Paul...

Just for the record, this post has nothing to do with photography.

Saturday, I went wakeboarding for the first time. It was probably one of the most terrifying experiences of my life so far. It was one of those times when your logical mind is telling you that you are fine, but your body is screaming at you that you are going to die. I've walked three story walls, jumped off of roofs, shingled on steep roofs without ropes or toe boards, worked on all kinds of truss systems way high in the air, hiked backcountry mountains all by myself in the middle of the night, and a myriad of other scary things, but I think this took the cake.

I went up with a few of my friends. I watched Andrew go first and he made it look pretty easy. Then Paul asked if I was ready. I figured what the heck. So I went to the back of the boat and strapped onto the board. "Okay, just jump out as far as you can from the boat, and fall forward, not backward."

I'm standing up, I have both of my feet strapped onto some piece of composite plastic that is four feet long. I looked at the water, and I looked at Paul. Jumping in wasn't quite what I had in mind. I wanted to slip gently into the water and slowly get used to the cold and the wet. "Just jump in?" I ask. "Yeah, just jump in" he replies. I look at the water again and suddenly, this just doesn't seem good. But, I couldn't see any other way, so I jumped out, as far as I could.

Let's just say that my initial reaction to jumping in was not pretty. Firstly, it was the deepest water I have ever been in. And I fell forward alright, with the cold, the wet, my face under the water. It just wasn't good. It was an all-out battle to try and get my mind rational and under control. The water was cold to me, and I had to get used to it for a minute so I could even talk. I was on my stomach, just holding my head above the water. Sure, I had a life jacket on, but my body was still telling me I was going to die.

The first order of business was learning how to flip the board around so that I was on my back. Looking back at it, it was a lot like when I took my sisters skiing and I had them fall over on purpose and then try to stand up. They always really struggle with it. It's the first exercise I do with new people, because they have to learn it before they can move on. Finally, I just had to grit my teeth and I was able to flip the board around. Then came my first tow.

It went okay for maybe a second, I was in no way ready for the massive force of the boat pulling me and I think I went clear over forward. I was determined to hold on and as a result, I got dragged for a second before I let go. I was on my face again. Choking and sputtering, I waited for the boat to come back to me.

I think on the second pull I got up for maybe a second and then lost it. I learned to let go a lot sooner and that helped. As the boat came back to get me, I told them that I wasn't a quitter but I just couldn't do this. They got me to keep trying though, and I went for it a couple more times. At that point, I just couldn't take it any more, I had to get out of the water. I had swallowed what felt like gallons of water, and I was shaking all over.

I sat in the boat while Paul went next and I took the picture above. I was so unnerved that I forget to set my camera right and I shot everything at f2.8, so most of them were blurry, but I had two that weren't.

We had problems with the wakeboard so I didn't go again that day. I want to learn it though. I think that it would be really fun once you got used to it. It reminds me again of when I learned to ski. The first day I only skied a couple of hours, and I was thrashed. The second time, I hurt myself and I almost stopped after the first hour, but I stayed and by the end of the day I had a pretty good time. The third time, I had a blast.

So maybe that is how it is with wakeboarding. Perhaps I just need to get a couple of times under my belt. It's important to me that I learn how, and I feel a bit bad that it didn't go better. I also need to get over my intense fear of water.

On another note, I think that maybe I work to much. By design, I spend most of my time working on one thing or another. If not on my job then I spend it on some project or class or something. It seems like I always have something going and I don't do a lot of recreational things or socializing with other people. It was great to go up there and just hang out with my friends, watch them with their kids, and play games. It really was good, and I had a really great time.

Ramblings...

Badlands, South Dakota. It's amazing really, the difference that a little light can make. This is the same tree and field that was in the last photo. The composition is a bit different.
-------

I spent Saturday looking at locations for an upcoming engagement shoot. I had a rush wedding shoot on Sunday, (they asked me Saturday night) and I photographed a very large family group (45 people) on Monday night. I am extremely busy at my real job, so it's crazy to say the least. I'm way behind on getting people's pictures back to them and I'm going to have to start turning people away.

The conclusion: I am in desperate need of an assistant.

I don't know if I will keep doing large group shots. I may just bag them altogether because I am having a lot of problems with getting them to look good. I am really struggling with them on everything from posing, to lighting, to stupid things like sharpness.

I need to go back and take some really serious photography courses to fill in the gaps in my knowledge. The problem: I need the time!

Maybe I will stop doing weddings, and stop doing large groups, and focus on individual, couples, and very small group sessions. I dunno. Something to think about.